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Coming Out Stories

Coming out is a massive step for most in the LGBT community. To help you get an idea of what to expect, some members of Freedom Youth Basingstoke have written up their life experiences of coming out to their friends and family and about their time at Freedom Youth.

1st Night at Freedom Youth

Written by 627846

I've been at Freedom Youth since April this year and to be honest, I don't regret not going to it. It has helped my develop the person I wanted to be even when I considered myself straight.

Five months on, I still look back at that night and reflect on it. Who I went with? 4 friends from college who i'd only met that year. And by the end of the first evening, I went away with....5/6 new ones. The welcome we recieved was awesome of every one of those people who we made friends with. 

We found out about this project through my counselor and one of my mates counselors also. We went along one tuesday evening. and to be honest, i wasn't sure whether i fitted in. with my background of rugby (macho environment), i felt like...this wasn't the place for me. i started talking to people around me and i slowly felt like i was fitting in. then we had a talk from Bruce, and then it started the evening topic of whether the tax on smoking should be allowed. eventually, i came to the conclusion that one person had dug themselves into a big hole...and quickly discovered what the talk was about, before storming out for a cigarette (u know who u are lol :P)

The thing that made my evening was a chat outside with one of the smokers though. A few weeks before, I got ID'd for a 15 which I found bizarre because I been seeing 15's for years even before I was legally allowed to see them. But we exchanged numbers and started texting to which his famous one which always makes me laugh was, "i thought you were at least 19". in fairness, i thought he was as well 

After this night, I've been going on a regular basis. But it saddens me I wont be there from September to end of April often because of my rugby schedule. To whoever reads this, you will find people to fit in with at group. If u don't come along, then u don't know what you're missing out on. It is an amazing experience and at the end of the day, we are all individuals and we all have different paths to follow. Could your path cross us?

Hope to see you. If not, take care in whatever happens in life.

Mark's Story

Written by Mark
My name is Mark and I am a former QMC student. Where do I start?? First I wish to say that NO-ONE really knows, and that's the way I wish to keep it, especially my parents. This may seem very harsh, and it is as I get on with them really well. However, I can't think of the words to use, or how I would say them. Mainly because they have strong views on the subject, which at times they make known. Therefore, I think it would be a real shock to them, so I keep quiet.

I have a younger brother and sister, and as the eldest there is always an expectation to conform and set a good example to your younger siblings.

I have thought for a long time that something was different about me compared to my friends. As I have distinct memories of looking at other boys when swimming at junior school. At the time I thought it was a normal thing for boys to do, but its not until recently that I've realised its not.

Read more: Mark's Story

Jason's Story

Written by Jason
My name is Jason. I'm 22 and work full time for a Fire Safety company. I first realised I was gay when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15. At the time I hated myself I suppose. Looking back I think my main fear was being hated by others on the grounds of my sexuality, not the actual fact that I was gay. I think this is the case with many people. I got used to the idea that I liked guys after a few months. I had a really close friend who I confided in and she was great about everything. Having someone to talk it through with really made a difference.

I was badly bullied at school in the proceeding couple of years due to my being 'different' although I never came out at school. People can just tell if you're gay I think, at least in some cases. As a result of the bullying, I comfort-ate, and put on a lot of weight, getting to 18 stone at one stage!

Read more: Jason's Story

Lucy's Story

Written by Lucy
I'm 19 years old and bisexual. I'm currently doing temp work in and around Basing stoke and play in one of the local orchestras in my spare time.

I first realised I might be gay or bi when I started my second year of sixth form. I'd just turned 17. In one of my classes there was a girl who had always stood out to me and it became apparent I felt more than friendship for her. I hadn't really noticed how strong my feelings for her had become until one day when I overheard her talking about this bloke she liked, my stomach jumped. Reality hit and for the first time I knew my feelings were genuine. To this day I haven't told her, and I don't think I ever will, about how wonderful she is and how much I looked forward to seeing her each day.

As time went on I began to realise that the girl at college may not have been just a passing fad after all. I could be quite happily walking down the street looking at women. "You're looking at the wrong sex" did float across my mind a couple of times and my confusion bubble began to grow. It wasn't that I thought it was wrong to look at women in the same way as men, I've always supported homosexuality, it was just I couldn't believe it was actually happening.

Read more: Lucy's Story

Clares Story

Written by Clare
I actually have not got a clue how to begin with this, so I'll tell you some of the boring stuff first. I'm 18 and I'm bisexual (and bodice rippingly proud of it!). At the moment I'm actually unemployed, having freed myself from the clutches of my mad ex employer. My favourite bands are Placebo, Mansun, Portishead and The Army of Lovers and I also like Beck, PJ Harvey and Nick Cave. Being astoundingly lazy, I avoid sport like the plague. My hobbies are taking the mickey out of my boyfriend for being an ageing goth, drinking a lot and falling over. I'd just like to assure everyone that although whenever you find someone bisexual they're always with someone of the opposite sex, I am a genuine fence sitter, and am definitely not doing it just to be fashionable.

John's Story

Written by John
I am 17 years old and at college studying A levels. I've felt 'different' to other people since about 13 but only really admitted it to myself within the last 18 months. I do feel something for women, but I have a strong physical attraction to men.

All my friends think I'm straight - we go to the same Indie gigs together and talk about women after a few to drink. Only a couple of very close friends know of the 'real me' - one female and one male, they're both really cool with it. I also plucked up the courage to tell my mum, she tried to understand but we've never spoke about it since. I don't think I could ever tell my dad, but because I don't live with him it isn't too much of an issue.

Anyway, I don't think there's any need to hurry the 'coming out' stuff - I'm happy being my ambiguous self.

Up until recently I'd been out with a few girls but never really met any guys like myself. I got on the internet and started using chat (IRC = Internet Relay Chat) to speak to other gay and bisexual men. I formed a few nice friendships but never gave out any of my personal details except to a couple of people I'm still in touch with who are good friends. A lot of people use IRC for sex so I was very careful who I spoke to and what I revealed. It was on the internet I met my first and current boyfriend, we spoke for a long time online, and after a time I trusted him enough and decided to meet him. He was a really nice guy and we got involved. It's difficult because he's quite a bit older than me so we look a bit odd when we go to the pub together and I couldn't take him to a party without having lots of questions being asked. My mum doesn't know about Ian (my boyfriend), I don't think she'd quite understand and she could make things difficult for us (especially as the law stands at the moment). The most important thing for me is that I feel I'm in control, and I can say 'no' if I ever want to, having the respect in the relationship is important.

Having found someone who I feel comfortable around has helped me realise I am the way I am and I shouldn't feel guilty about it - and although I don't feel the urge to run around college screaming "I'm bi" I am looking forward to university where I can be a bit more open about who I am.