My name is Jason. I'm 22 and work full time for a Fire Safety company. I first realised I was gay when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15. At the time I hated myself I suppose. Looking back I think my main fear was being hated by others on the grounds of my sexuality, not the actual fact that I was gay. I think this is the case with many people. I got used to the idea that I liked guys after a few months. I had a really close friend who I confided in and she was great about everything. Having someone to talk it through with really made a difference.

I was badly bullied at school in the proceeding couple of years due to my being 'different' although I never came out at school. People can just tell if you're gay I think, at least in some cases. As a result of the bullying, I comfort-ate, and put on a lot of weight, getting to 18 stone at one stage!

 

When I left school my confidence was in tatters and I thought I'd never be strong enough to meet other gay people, let alone have a boyfriend. After going to a counsellor, getting a full-time job and generally pushing myself onward, and with the help of some good friends, I ventured out of the safety of my bedroom(!) and started to meet other gay people. I started by going out with a friends gay brother, and then I just met guys through personal ads. I've made a few good friends this way. I had my first relationship with a guy when I was 19. He cheated on me! This made me a lot wiser and I now have higher standards for potential boyfriends! A few years later and I've had 2 more relationships which didn't work out. I've recently split from a guy I was with for 10 months. He just decided he wanted his freedom again, so we parted company. We're still friends but things are a bit strained, and I'm finding it very tough to imagine him with other guys.

It was because of the need to break from the dependency I have for him that I decided to join the group. I couldn't sit, waiting for the phone to ring forever. The group's been just what I needed; something which doesn't involve my ex-boyfriend, and a chance to get out and meet new people. It's taken a few weeks to settle in; it's hard enough just meeting one new person, but I'm so glad I made the move, and now it's part of my life. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams just now, I'm not ready, I'm just out to make some good friends, who will be around when Mr Right Number Four dumps on me! I need some time to get over my last boyfriend, and the group is a big part of that process. I'd be a hell of a lot lonelier without it.

My advice to anyone just realising that they may be gay would be firstly, confide in a good friend and try to build up support for yourself so you're not in this alone. Take your time and don't feel pressured to make commitments regarding 'who you are'; if it feels right then go with it. If in doubt, just put things on hold. There's no rush to label yourself. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything and be 'on guard'. Unfortunately there are people out to use and abuse us. Get wise. Remember that friends are going to e there when a boy shits on you. Get as many as you can, and look after them.